Looking at an Angel
by Vinividivinci
Summary: He hasn't seen her in years.  What will happen when Sara shows up in his life again? Jack/Sara pairing
1. Seeing Thee

**_Okay, you are all probably going 'why the heck is she writing a new story when she has two others unfinished?' Well, I actually have a good excuse. I was on a plane all day today and didn't have access to my stories. There are so many details I need to keep straight with them that I need to refer back to previous chapters. It was getting too hard to remember details so I decided to write a new story. It's short (two chapters) and finished._**

**_One of my readers challenged me to do a non Jack/Sam story. I thought about it and realized there was no way I could do a Jack/Other story - dont' read 'em/won't write 'em - for some reason they really bother me. However, I have read some Jack/Sara stories which I have liked and I always felt terrible that he had lost both his wife and son. So - this is a Jack/Sara story. It is completely AU and there is no hint of any Jack/Sam in this. In my story they are just colleagues and friends, nothing more. _**

**_I hope all you shippers will give this a chance and that you won't hate me. I will return to my first love which is always S/J! (Oh, and there's no whump)._**

Other men said they have seen angels,  
>But I have seen thee<br>And thou art enough.  
>~ by G. Moore ~<p>

The call came late, when he was already at home, in bed, sound asleep after a rather brutal mission. Fortunately no one had been hurt or killed, but it had been close. Once released from the Infirmary, and after a short briefing which basically was about how Hammond should strike PBX 378 from the dialing computer – "crappy planet, crappy people – nothing worth bothering about" – he'd headed home. He had two days off and he planned to use them to do absolutely nothing. He was looking forward to simply taking it easy for a change.

Who in hell, then, would be calling him at – he looked at the clock beside his bed – 1:00 in the morning. He picked up the phone and barked into it 'O'Neill'.

"Jack?" a soft voice could be heard over the line. He sat up.

"Sara? Is that you?"

"Yeah – I'm sorry Jack – I'm sorry to bother you so late."

"Sara, that's fine. What is it? What's wrong?" He could tell from her tone of voice that something had happened. This was the first time he'd talked to her in a couple of years – the last he'd seen her had been at Charlie's grave. They'd met there on his birthday. It had been unplanned and was uncomfortable although they'd been courteous, if slightly distant. They hadn't talked since.

So, he knew it must be something bad that would make her call him at home and at this time of the night. "Sara", he repeated, "what is it?' He was sure he could hear sniffles from the other end of the phone.

"It's – it's Dad. He's gone."

"What? Mike?" This time Jack sat up and threw his legs over the side of the bed. "Something happened to him?" God, this would kill Sara. Mike was the closest family she had.

"He … had a heart attack. I called the ambulance but it was already too late. Jack, I'm at the hospital and I don't know what to do. I'm sorry to bother you – I just didn't know who else to call."

"Sara, it's fine. Just – stay there and I'll come and get you. I should be there in about 20 minutes."

"Okay."

He signed off and grabbed his clothes, throwing on the same things he'd worn back from the base. Quickly grabbing his keys and wallet he ran out to his truck. He was halfway down the street when he realized he hadn't asked her which hospital. It took him a second to figure out it must be the General – it was the nearest one to th- her house. He felt a brief stab of pain – it was the hospital they'd taken Charlie to after – no, don't go there Jack. Just concentrate on Sara.

When he arrived he rushed into the emergency area and looked around until he saw the lone figure sitting in the waiting room. She was dressed in a bathrobe and looked – forlorn. He again felt the remembered pain – he hadn't seen that look since Charlie.

"Sara?" he said softly. She raised her head and stared at him, her cheeks wet from tears, although she wasn't crying now. A couple of seconds later he could see her chin begin to quiver and then she rose from her chair and launched herself at him.

"Jack!" she sobbed, her arms practically crushing him. He held on tight, the feeling so familiar – and yet now so distant. "I'm so sorry – I didn't mean -"

"Shhh", he said gently. "It's okay. In fact, I'm glad you called me." He tightened his arms around her and just held her until her sobs quieted. She finally pulled herself back and looked at him.

"Just what you needed, right? A sobbing woman at 1:30 in the morning."

"Hey, you know I'm always here for you." He replied. He couldn't help the small inner voice which said he _hadn't_ always been there for her in the past. Oh well, he determined that this time it would be different.

"Thank you", she said simply. Pulling away from him completely she attempted to straighten her hair and wipe the tears from her face. "I – I think I'm okay now. I – would you give me a lift home?" she asked. "I came in the ambulance."

"Of course. Is everything done here?" he asked hesitatingly.

"For now. They told me I could call tomorrow to see about – having him taken to the funeral parlor and everything.

He nodded, remembering the drill. "Okay, then let's get you out of here." He ushered her to his truck and helped her into her seat. He could tell that she was still pretty shaky. He started the engine and pulled out, automatically heading towards Sara's. After he'd driven a couple of blocks he glanced over to see her with her eyes closed and her head resting on the headrest. She looked so – lost, so tired. Without thought he turned at the next corner. There was no way he'd leave her alone right now.

It took a couple of minutes before she realized they weren't heading in the right direction. "Jack? Where are we going?" she asked, confused.

"To my place. There's no way you're staying alone tonight. You can stay in my guest room. You can borrow some of my things and I'll take you home tomorrow."

She went to protest but at his obstinate look knew there was no use. And the truth was, she really didn't want to be alone so finally she just nodded. "Okay, thanks." As she closed her eyes again, she couldn't help but think how odd it felt that Jack would be offering to take her to _his_ house and giving her his guest room. This isn't the way it should be, she thought. She never would have believed, years ago, that they would ever have come to this.

Oddly, Jack was thinking much the same thing. He really was glad she'd called him – somehow it took a little bit of his guilt away knowing that she'd call on him during a crisis. Still, he felt – wrong – knowing that she had become almost a stranger now. She'd never been to his house and he wasn't quite sure about how he felt having her there. She'd felt so familiar in his arms and he'd felt a huge wave of nostalgia and longing – something he thought he'd dealt with a long time ago. Oh well, it was just for a night. He could deal with it for that long.

After they arrived Jack fixed them both a hot drink and then went and got the spare room ready. He placed a pair of his sweats on the bed and made sure there were clean towels and a new toothbrush in the bathroom. He then returned to the living room.

"You okay?" he asked. Sara was standing looking at the picture of the three of them.

"Yes", she replied. "I didn't think you'd want that on your wall", she pointed to the picture. He looked over at it and then back to her.

"Why not?" he replied. "Those were good times. I don't ever want to forget them."

She gave a small smile although she looked as if she were ready to cry again.

"Come on, let's get you to bed." He ushered her to the guest room and showed her where everything was. He left her alone to get ready but returned a few minutes later to find her sitting on the edge of the bed. He realized she was still in shock so he walked up to her. "Lie down Sara", he said kindly. Once she was down he carefully tucked her in. "Just sleep. I'll be here in the morning and I'll help you through everything." Leaning down he kissed her on the forehead and turned the light out. With a final glance he headed to his room.

Once in the hallway he had to lean against the wall for a moment to gather himself together. Looking at her in bed, touching her and smelling her scent – all of it was overwhelming. He'd wanted nothing more than to climb in beside her and hold her close and help take away her pain. Sadly, that was no longer his place. He'd offer her what he could, but he knew, when she was back to normal, she'd not want him in her life.

He finally shook himself and headed to bed, for the first time, in a long time, feeling all the pain and regret of his lost, former life return.

He didn't think he'd sleep at all but, the fact was, he was exhausted. It took only a few minutes before he was out. His mind didn't want to rest, but his body forced the issue.

He figured he was dreaming when he first felt a warm body curl up next to him. It felt so normal, so right, that he barely woke up. This was the way things were supposed to be. This is what he'd missed for so long. With a soft sigh he put his arms around her and went back to sleep. This time both mind, body – and heart – were able to rest.

When he woke up a short while later he could tell it was still early and the sun was just coming up. He couldn't have slept that long, but for some reason he felt rested. It was only after a few seconds that he realized there was an arm across his chest. After the initial shock it all came back to him.

Sara! God – Sara was in his bed and was wrapped around him the way she always had been after he'd returned from overseas. For the first couple of weeks after he'd return it was as if she only could sleep if she was attached to him. Even during the day she'd stay close. He'd always laughed at her – but he'd loved it. It had given him such a sense of security, of being loved – so he hadn't really teased her too much.

Again, this whole episode was causing all sorts of memories and regrets to well up. He lay quietly, not wanting to disturb her, enjoying the feeling of having her soft and warm body pressed up to him. He realized though, that his own body was starting to respond in ways that were entirely inappropriate – and forbidden now. He had to remember that they were divorced, and had been, for years. She was no longer his and she'd made it clear she did not want him in her life. He tried to think of anything else to stop his reaction, although he was afraid it was a lost cause. The longing was too intense.

"Jack?" her soft voice interrupted his ruminations.

Crap! If she moved even a bit there was no way she wouldn't be able to tell. Oh well, he'd just claim it was because it was morning. She'd understand – they had been married for 11 years – she knew all about male physiology.

"Jack?" she repeated. He looked over at her.

"Sara. How are you feeling this morning?" he asked softly, trying to be calm about the whole situation. When she just looked at him with her gentle, beautiful eyes, he practically lost it. What are you doing to me Sara, he asked silently? Please, please don't look at me like that. I'm not strong enough.

She stared for a moment longer and then moved slightly so she was looking down at him. She studied his face for a moment and then leaned down and gently pressed her lips to his.

God no! Don't Sara – please! But his stupid body continued to ignore everything his brain was saying. His lips responded and he couldn't help but put his arm around her and press her to him. It didn't take her anytime at all to know that he was aroused by her presence and she used that to her advantage.

At one point he did try to stop things, to gain control, but she'd have none of it and he turned out to be too weak. He'd always known that she was the stronger one – he'd relied on her for years. She'd been his anchor, his strength and he'd been so lost when she left.

He finally let go and gave in. Something deep inside him knew that this was his only chance – that this wouldn't happen again – but it didn't matter. He _needed_ her – he wanted her, he loved her.

When he woke up for the third time he knew it was morning. By the look of the light coming in it was late and he immediately remembered. How could he not – not after what had happened. This time, however, there was no body lying next to him. Glancing over he knew that she was gone. He closed his eyes briefly, letting the pain and the regret wash over him. After a few minutes he got up and started his day.

He found her note downstairs on the kitchen table. Lifting it up, with trembling hands, he opened it, although he really didn't want to read it. He already knew what it would say.

'_Jack,_

_I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean to do what I did and it was wrong of me to use you like that. Thank you for being there and please forgive me. I'll let you know about the funeral._

_Sara_

That was it. He laughed softly, although the sound was bitter. She'd come back into his life for just a few hours and it had already opened up all sorts of wounds he'd thought had long healed. Turning around he crumpled her note in his hand. He didn't feel like eating.

* * *

><p>"Jack. <em>Jack!<em>" It wasn't until the third 'Jack' that he realized Daniel was talking to him. He looked up at the concerned look on his friend's face.

"What Daniel?"

"Are you okay? You seem kind of – out of it today." They were to head in for a briefing at 10:00 and Daniel had dragged him for a coffee first. Since they'd sat down he hadn't said much of anything.

"What? Oh, sorry. Yeah, I'm fine." He took a deep breath. "My Fa- Sara's father died Friday night", was all he said.

"Oh geeze, I'm sorry. Mike was his name, right? What happened?" Daniel asked softly. Looking more closely at Jack he realized his friend was looking more than tired – he looked – wounded. He hadn't realized Jack was that close to his ex father-in-law.

"Yeah Mike. According to Sara he had a heart attack. It was quite sudden and fortunately he didn't suffer. It was a shock though. He always seemed like someone who would live forever."

"I'm sorry", Daniel repeated. "How's Sara?" Daniel had only ever met her once and Jack never spoke about her, but clearly they'd been in touch.

"Okay I think. I just picked her up from the hospital. She called me out of habit I guess. I haven't talked to her since then. She probably has other people that are closer to her now. She's going to let me know when the funeral is." Jack suddenly stood up, as if he could no longer stay still. "I have to – go do something Daniel." He turned away but then looked back. "Thanks."

"No problem Jack. If there's anything I can do –"

Jack nodded and left quickly. Daniel sat for a minute, wondering what had happened. There was something wrong, something beyond the death of Jack's former father-in-law, but Daniel couldn't put his finger on it. Oh well, they'd just have to keep an eye on him.

At 10:00 Daniel made his way into the Briefing room to find Sam and Teal'c already there but no Jack. A few minutes later Hammond came in and sat down.

"Before we start, everyone, I wanted to let you know that Colonel O'Neill has requested a few days personal leave. His former father-in-law died suddenly so he's asked for some time off. Since there are no missions scheduled for the next few days you all have some time to spend on base, looking after any research or paper work."

"Is he okay Sir?" Sam asked, concerned for her CO. She knew O'Neill was a private man and most likely wouldn't share anything much with his team.

"He's fine Major, although I expect this is hard on him. He should be back in a few days."

* * *

><p>Jack made his way home, tired beyond belief. There was no real reason for him to be off. It wasn't like Sara had asked for any help, but he knew he wouldn't have been any good on base. He certainly wasn't up to going off world and doing paperwork would have been a complete bust. He couldn't concentrate on anything.<p>

His first thought, when he got home, was to open a bottle of whiskey. He quickly forgot about that, knowing alcohol wasn't the answer. It might make him forget briefly, but was more likely to send him into a deep depression. Instead, he decided to go for a run. Maybe if he exhausted himself he'd be able to get some peace.

Sara called while he was out. Her message simply told him that the funeral was on Wednesday at St. Mary and Joseph's Catholic Church. It had been Mike's parish for years and it was where they'd had Charlie baptized. He hadn't been much of a church goer himself, although he had attended occasionally with Sara when he was home.

He dreaded the funeral. Not only would he have to see a bunch of people he'd known when he was still married to Sara – he'd have to see her. He didn't know what to say or how to react. He felt bad, guilty over what had happened. Even more, however, he felt angry. He understood perfectly what had occurred. He'd lost enough people in his life to know that sometimes physical comfort helped, even if only temporarily, with the pain. He'd never been unfaithful to Sara, but he'd been tempted a few times after a bad mission. It wasn't that he was interested, or even attracted, to anyone else. It was simply the craving, the need, to lose himself for a brief while and sex was a good way of doing that.

He had turned to Sara a number of times when he'd been back home after a mission where they'd lost someone. He'd always apologized afterward, feeling like he'd used her. She'd always shushed him, telling him that that was part of loving him! So he knew, logically, that that's what had happened. The bad part was that he _did_ feel used, even though he knew consciously that Sara hadn't meant to hurt him.

What she had done was make him realize that he'd never stopped loving her. He'd fallen in love with her the first time he saw her, at a wedding of a fellow officer. From that moment on, there had never been another woman for him. He'd thought, just in the last year or so, that he could start looking again, that maybe he'd find someone else to love. Now, however, he knew that wasn't going to happen and that made him angry; angry at her, at the world and even at Mike for dying!

He sat near the back of the church, hoping to avoid her as much as possible. He saw some of her old friends, and a few buddies he'd known but lost touch with. He also spoke briefly with a couple of Sara's cousins. It was all uncomfortable and awkward and he prayed he could get out of here soon.

At the end of the service Sara walked to the back of the church to speak with some of the guests. He knew he couldn't leave without saying something so he lined up with some of the others. When he got to her he spoke quickly.

"I'm really sorry Sara. Mike was a good man." He didn't know what else to say and had trouble looking at her. He noticed she was having just as much trouble.

"Thank you Jack", she answered softly. "He always liked you."

"Yeah – don't know why!" He tried to smile but he was pretty sure it came out as more of a grimace. "Anyway, take care of yourself. If there's anything -" He stopped suddenly, realizing the words had no meaning. She'd never need him for anything. With a small smile he moved forward, trying to get out of the church before running into anyone else he knew. He just didn't think he was up to trying to make small talk. He'd only taken a step when her hand reached out and she stopped him.

"Jack."

He looked at her. "What Sara?" he was afraid that his anger was starting to show and he really didn't want to do that to her right now.

"I'm – Jack, I'm so sorry."

"Hey, I was glad I could help", he said bitterly. "Nice to know I'm good for something." With those words he pulled his arm away and left the church. He felt awful, as soon as he heard her sob, but knew he couldn't stop. He'd had enough.

* * *

><p>He sat tapping his pencil on the table. They were going to head out in a couple of hours to a planet where they'd been told there were naquada deposits. The intel was from the Tokra, so he figured they'd probably run into major trouble rather than the vital mineral. He didn't trust any missions instigated by their so-called allies.<p>

The rest of his team all arrived together and he attempted to smile and joke around, pretending that he was okay. It had been six weeks since the funeral and he still felt raw and angry and hurt – but at least now he was hiding it better. Yeah, that's you O'Neill, the master of subterfuge!

He got occasional strange looks from Daniel, but the others seemed to buy his act. Carter was a pretty trusting individual and Teal'c occasionally still had trouble reading human emotions.

Daniel had tried to talk to him a few times until he'd had to tell the man to stop. "It's none of your business Daniel", he'd said sharply. "There's nothing I want to talk about so please, just drop it."

Something in his face must have made the other man realize that he'd better not push it. "Okay Jack, but you know if you need anything, or want to talk, I'm here."

Jack just gave him an incredulous look but softened it when he realized that Daniel was a good friend who was trying to help. "Thanks Daniel. I know and I do appreciate it. I'm afraid it's nothing you can do so just – leave it, okay?" he said gently. The other man nodded but reached out and squeezed his shoulder. He had to admit that even that small gesture helped.

He was sitting at home, a couple of nights later, trying to watch a hockey game. Usually he'd get into it but tonight his mind kept wandering back to happier times. He wondered why his life had taken the turn it did. He'd tried to do everything right. He'd been a reasonably good husband and father. He loved his wife and son and had done everything he could to show them that. Oh, he'd known it was hard on them when he was gone, but their times together had been great. He'd been the envy of a lot of his friends and he'd happily thought he'd be married to Sara for ever.

He shook his head and took a swig of beer. "Just goes to show ya that nothing's for ever", he muttered to himself. He reached down to change the channel – hockey just wasn't doing it for him tonight – when there was a knock on the door.

Hoping it wasn't one of his team – they'd tried to get him to go out for steak but he'd turned them down - he really didn't feel up to putting on a show tonight.

"Coming", he called. He opened the door.

"Sara!" He simply stood and stared. What the hell was she doing here? "What do you want?" he asked abruptly, making no attempt to be friendly or invite her in.

"I'm sorry to bother you Jack, but I needed to talk to you."

"I don't think there's really anything we need to talk about Sara", he said bluntly. He couldn't do this anymore. He just wasn't strong enough.

"Jack, I know I hurt you terribly and I can never tell you how sorry I am, but it's important. Please?"

After a few seconds, where he seriously considering slamming the door in her face, he finally nodded. "Okay, come in." He stepped back and waved her to the living room. "Have a seat." He wasn't going to offer her anything because he wanted this over as quickly as possible.

He knew that he really wasn't angry at her but at the situation. She hadn't done anything to intentionally hurt him and he knew things had to be tough for her right now. He took a deep breath. The least he could do was be polite and then get her out of his life as quickly as possible. He had to get some equilibrium back.

"What is it?" he asked, this time with more gentleness than before. He watched as she bit her lip. God, he remembered seeing her do that so many times. Anytime she was nervous or frightened she'd bite her lip. He used to tease her about it – and usually ended up kissing her.

"I – Jack – that night – I didn't mean to hurt you and I know I did. I just – I needed you. I woke up and all I could think of was that you'd make it better, that you'd make the pain go away. I wasn't thinking about you or what it would do to you. Please believe me, I didn't want to hurt you."

"I know", he said. He'd been right, she'd needed some physical comfort. "Why did you leave?" That was really it, he realized. It wasn't so much that they'd made love that had bothered him, it was the fact that she was gone when he woke up.

"I didn't know what to say. I knew that what I'd done was wrong, that I'd used you. I was just so torn up with everything and I didn't know how to face it. I knew you'd be angry and so I took the coward's way out. Can you ever forgive me?" she asked softly.

"Does it matter Sara?" he asked bluntly. "We're divorced. We're no longer part of each other's lives anymore. You felt you couldn't stay married to me after what I'd done to Charlie – I get that. I just think it's better that we go on with our lives, separately. You don't need my forgiveness, although you have it if you want it. Who better than me to realize that sometimes you need another person to mask the pain from a loss. You can go Sara, and don't worry about me."

She looked at him, shocked. She had heard everything he said but one thing stuck out. "What do you mean, after what you'd done? You didn't do anything?"

"What?" he asked, unsure what she meant.

"You said I didn't want to stay married to you after what you'd done to _Charlie_. That's not the reason I left. I wasn't angry at you for what happened to him. I knew it was a tragic accident. I left because you'd given up on our marriage, on us. I couldn't live with that."

This time he was the one who was shocked. If he'd known that – God, maybe he should have tried to get her back after Abydos. He'd thought it was because she really couldn't forgive him. A couple of seconds later he realized it didn't matter. It was all water under the bridge now.

"Doesn't matter now Sara", he said gently. "You have a new life, and I'm no longer part of it. I really do forgive you, you know, and if you ever need me I'm here." He stopped and smiled slightly, "although next time I'll drop you home first."

"Do you mean it Jack? Will you be here for me?"

"Of course Sara", he said, frowning. What was this about?

"Good, because I'm afraid I'm going to have to take you up on that offer now."

"Okaaaay", he said, hesitatingly. "Why?"

"Because I'm pregnant."

Things suddenlty shifted totally out of balance and he didn't know how to cope. For the first time, in a long time, he didn't' know what to do or to say. There was no sarcasm, there were no quips, there were no words to deal with this situation. He looked at her blankly and it barely registered that she was looking terrified – and her poor lips were being mangled.

"Is it mi – were you seeing -" he couldn't continue.

"Yes, it's yours and no, I wasn't seeing anyone."

So, that was it. One night – one stupid mistake – and now, he didn't have a clue what to do. He rubbed his hand through his hair and just kept looking at her. A small part of him wondered how the hell this could have happened. After Charlie they'd been unable to have more kids. They'd been to doctors and had tried fertility treatments, but nothing had worked. It had been a source of real sorrow but they'd coped by recognizing they were lucky to have one child - something many couples didn't.

So it was astounding that after only one time she was pregnant. Somewhere God – or maybe it was the devil – was laughing. Talk about irony.

"Jack", she reached out to touch him but pulled her hand back at the last second. "Jack please, speak to me."

He licked his lips, trying to moisten his suddenly dry mouth. He didn't know what _to_ say.

"Sara I – I don't know what to say." He might as well be honest. He stood up and moved over to the chair and sat down again. He watched as she sat on the edge of the couch. "If it's mine – God, of course it is – I know you're telling the truth", he quickly added as he saw her shocked expression. "I just mean that _because_ it's mine I'll of course be there for you – I mean for both of you. I just – I think I need some time Sara. This has been a bit of a shock."

"I understand", Sara said as she stood up. "I'll leave you and maybe we can talk when, or if, you want. Just give me a call." She headed to the door, clearly upset. He felt badly and wanted to offer her some comfort, but he was just too stunned.

He wandered around the house, not sure what to think or do. He was terrified at the thought of another child. All he could think about was what if something happened to it? He would never survive another loss. The other thing that was bothering him – hell, was driving him insane, was the thought of being a weekend Daddy. He and Sara had often talked about how they'd never do that to a child of theirs. Well, it looked like it was going to happen.

And what if Sara met someone and got married again? His child would then call another man Daddy. Could he handle that? He knew it would kill him but it was likely. Sara was a beautiful woman and he'd often wondered why she hadn't remarried, although, to be honest he'd been glad. He was sure that would have been another knife to the gut.

Yes – she was beautiful and still young – wait, how old was she? He stopped and thought. God, she was 42 already although he'd never have guessed it to look at her. She was 9 years younger than him and had always kidded him about him being the 'old man'. Oh God! He suddenly sat down. At her age being pregnant could be dangerous and there was a much greater likelihood of something being wrong with the baby.

He grabbed his head, feeling like it was ready to explode. He still didn't know what to do. He needed to talk - ! Suddenly he laughed. Yes, it had finally happened! He had finally admitted that he needed to talk to someone and he knew just the right person. Sliding over to the end of the couch he picked up the phone.

"Hello, Daniel Jackson."

"Daniel."

"Jack Hi. What's up?"

"Daniel, are you busy right now?" he asked. He hoped his voice didn't convey the utter panic he was feeling.

"Just looking at some of the tablets we brought back from P3 -"

"Can you come over", Jack interrupted him.

"Uh yeah, sure, I guess. Why?"

"I – I kind of – hell Daniel, can you just get over here!"

"Sure, I'll be right there", Daniel answered, realizing that Jack sounded strange. "Uh – you are at home right?"

"Yeah, I'm at home."

"Okay, be right over."

Jack continued to pace until he finally heard Daniel's car pull up. He went to the door and opened it, waiting for his friend. By the time Daniel arrived on his doorstep he practically dragged him inside. Daniel followed, totally confused.

He sat down and waited for Jack to speak. The Colonel continued to pace around his living room, picking things up and dropping them. Finally Daniel couldn't take it anymore.

"Jack, what is it? You're kind of scaring me here."

Jack sighed and finally sat down. He then jumped right back up. "Drink! You want a beer or something?"

"No, not really. I want to know what's happened. Come on Jack, sit down and just tell me."

"Okay." The Colonel sat again and stared at his friend. Taking a deep breath he decided to dive right in. "You remember a month or so ago when Sara's father died?"

"Yes." Of course he remembered. Jack hadn't been himself since that time.

"Well , remember I told you that I picked Sara up at the hospital and drove her home."

"Yeaah", he answered. What was this about?

"Well, I kind of skipped over something.

"Okay." God it was like pulling teeth.

"Well, she was in rough shape – in shock and all. I didn't feel right about letting her go home alone so I brought her here. I let her sleep in the guest room. I thought I'd drive her home in the morning, maybe help her with the funeral arrangements."

Uh oh, thought Daniel. He was guessing something happened – what he wasn't sure – but he didn't think it was good.

"Well, I put her in the guest room and then went to sleep in my room. The next thing I knew -"

"Yeah? What?"

"I woke up and she was in bed with me."

"Oh."

"That's all you can say?" Jack asked, frustrated and angry.

"Well – no – but – I don't know what you want me to say. Did – anything happen?"

There was silence for a minute and then a brief nod and a curt "yeah".

"Oh shit", Daniel replied. This was bad.

"Yeah, exactly what I said. It was – she'd just lost someone Daniel and was looking for comfort." He couldn't believe he was actually defending Sara to Daniel. "I did try and stop her- " He stopped at Daniel's look of disbelief. "I did, really, but I'm human too you know. God, she was my wife for over 11 years. It just felt – right and she needed me."

"So, what happened, after I mean?"

"I woke up and she was gone. She left me an apology note", he laughed ironically. "Said she was sorry. Well, it was too little too late – the cat was definitely out of the bag."

Daniel grimaced, knowning things must be bad if Jack was speaking in cliches. "So, that's what's been bothering you?"

"Yeah." Jack stood up and began to pace again. "I only saw her briefly at the funeral. Wasn't very nice to her either. Hell, I was angry. I felt like I'd been used."

"Well, technically you had been."

"I know, but she didn't do it intentionally. I know that, knew that, but it still hurt. God Daniel, I thought I was over her. We've been divorced for 5 years! I've barely seen her at all in that time. What the hell's wrong with me?"

"I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I think you're a person who loves deeply and forever. It actually says a lot about what kind of person you are. Of course, it makes it a hell of a lot harder for you."

"You're telling me!"

"So, you haven't seen her since the funeral. Are you going to try and talk to her?"

"No – I mean yes, I've seen her since the funeral. I saw her today." When Daniel looked at him in surprise he continued. "It wasn't me. I wasn't planning on bothering her. She made it very clear, when she left me, that she wasn't interested in being married to me anymore. As hard as it's been these last few weeks, I knew it was still over."

"Then why did you see her?"

"Because she came to see me."

"Whhhy?" Daniel said slowly.

"She had something to tell me."

Daniel sat quietly, waiting for the bomb to drop. He figured Sara was probably in a relationship and felt she needed to tell Jack after what had happened. Crap – it was going to destroy the man.

"So", he finally said, "What did she tell you?"

"That she's pregnant with my child."

Holly shit! He stared at his friend, not having a clue how to respond. The cat was _really_ in the pigeons now! He laughed to himself – what was it with all the clichés today?

"Uh – wow!"

"Yeah, wow! What am I going to do Danny?" Jack looked at him in despair. "How can I handle this? I can't be a father again. And on top of that I'm only going to see the kid every other weekend or something and what if Sara marries again and someone else becomes the kid's father? I couldn't stand that. And then there's the fact that she's over 40. There could be something wrong with it or she could get sick."

"Whoa Jack, calm down!" He couldn't remember ever seeing the older man quite so – panicked before. "Take it easy, you're getting worked up here. Let's look at this calmly."

"How can I Daniel? I don't know what to do."

"What did you say to Sara?"

"Nothing. I was too shocked. She just left and told me to get in touch when I want to talk."

"Well, I think the first thing you need to do is sit down and talk calmly with her. I'm sure she's feeling just as scared and confused as you are. You both need to lay everything on the table and go from there."

"But how? She left me for God's sake. She doesn't want me to be part of her life anymore."

"Has she said that?" When Jack didn't reply he took it as a no. "It seems to me that the fact she called you when her father died shows she _does_ want you in some capacity. And the fact that she's – well, pregnant – means she certainly doesn't find you abhorrent."

Jack scowled at him. "No, I guess I'm not _abhorrent_."

"Come on Jack, you know what I'm trying to say. She clearly still has some feelings for you or else you wouldn't be in this situation. Maybe you need to start there. Why don't you see if you can spend some time with each other, get to know each other again as friends. You can then figure out what to do about the baby."

"But Daniel, I don't want to be _just friends_. I – God, I still love her."

Daniel sighed, knowing things were bad and that his friend could be really hurt over this one. On the other hand, it could be a sort of redemption for the older man. He knew that part of Jack had died with his son. Maybe a new child could bring some joy and hope back into his life. As for Sara – well, they'd just have to wait and see!


	2. Thou Art Enough

In the end, Daniel had convinced him to call Sara and arrange to meet her. He'd known all along that he'd have to do it but having Daniel's calm council had helped and had forced him into not putting it off. His friend was right. Sara was probably terrified too right now. He owed it to her to be supportive and work things through.

They'd arranged to meet at a small café close to her house. It was quiet and would allow for private conversation, but was also neutral territory. He really didn't want to go back to her house or have her come to his. There were too many memories at both places.

"Hi", she said as she walked to the table. He'd been there for a few minutes, waiting.

"Hi yourself", he said with a gentle smile. She seemed relieved when he appeared to be calm rather than angry. "Have a seat."

They spent a few moments ordering a light lunch, although neither of them was hungry. Once they'd settled in they sat back, both of them unsure what to say.

"I'm sorry about my reaction at the house." Jack decided that he needed to be the one to start. He also knew that Sara had to be going through a million emotions right now and it was up to him to start showing his support. "I was just a little – shocked."

"I know. I don't blame you. Actually, you took it better than I thought you would."

"What? Did you think I was going to shoot you or something?" he said with a small grin. That actually got a small laugh from her.

"No, but I thought you'd be angry."

"No, not angry – just scared and confused." He paused. "Are you okay?"

"Fine. I have a bit of morning sickness and I expect it will get worse if it's anything like when I was pregnant with Charlie." She looked up at that, unsure as to whether she should be mentioning their son. They'd had so little to do with each other that they'd never established any way of dealing with the topic. She breathed a sigh of relief when he accepted her comments calmly.

"Yeah, I remember you spent months puking. "

"Thanks!"

"Hey, I know it was hard on you and I felt bad I couldn't help."

"I know you did. Anyway, I went and saw my GP and she put me on pre-natal vitamins. Other than that there's nothing to do this early. I'll go to an OB when I'm farther along and we can worry about prenatal testing and all of that. For now everything looks fine."

"But how are _you_ Sara? How are you handling all this?"

"Okay I – hell no, I'm terrified Jack. I'm too old to be doing this. When Charlie died I had to accept that I would never be a mother again, never go to my child's graduation or wedding, never have grandchildren. Now, I'm going to be a mother again, at the same age many women are _becoming_ grandmothers!"

"Sara, you're not old and lots of women are having babies at your age. Just look at all the movie stars who wait until their forties. Any anyway, if you think _you're_ old, what about me?"

"That's true", she answered. He was a bit shocked until he saw the twinkle in her eye.

"I'll get you for that Sara O' – sorry – Sara." Hell, he didn't even know if she still used his name. He tried to remember from the funeral but the whole thing had passed by in a fog for him.

"I still use O'Neill, Jack."

"Oh – okay, good." There was a brief pause as they were still unsure of how to continue and what else to say. "Look, I know I can be an ass – in fact, it's pretty much who I am – but I will be there for you Sara, I hope you know that. You don't have to do this alone."

"I know. I never doubted that. You say you're an ass? Well, you can be – but mostly you're a good man Jack O'Neill and I can't think of anyone I'd rather have as the fath -" This time it was she who stopped, panicked about saying the wrong thing. She looked at him wide-eyed, wondering how he'd react.

He felt an incredible warmth creep up him at her – almost – words. It meant the world to him to know she would be okay with him as the father – especially after what had happened to their son. "Thank you", he said quietly. "That means a lot."

"Well, it's true. You were an amazing father Jack."

He looked at her and frowned, all his worries coming back. He just didn't know how to tell her.

"What is it?" she asked kindly, reaching out to take his hand. "What's bothering you?"

"I don't know if I can do this Sara", he answered. "I'm afraid that something will happen and I know I couldn't bear to lose another child."

She took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. "I know. I feel the same way. Since I first found out I've spent a lot of time in tears, scared stiff. But then I think about all the good times we had with Charlie. I remember his sloppy kisses when he was a baby, and how he'd love to dress up as a fireman. I think about how much he adored you and wanted to be like you and yet he was still my baby who'd cuddle with me and call for me when he was hurt. I think – Jack, I _know - _ I want that again. I want to feel those little arms around me and I want to cuddle and tickle our child. I also want him or her to grow up and experience all those things that Charlie won't get to. I know it's risky – it always is – but I think it's worth it."

He sat for a moment, listening to her words. He could feel the tears gather in his eyes as he too remembered what it had been like with their son. He remembered lifting Charlie on to his shoulders and carrying him around and he remembered holding his son, rocking him to sleep in the rocking chair.

"Maybe it is", he answered.

"Is there something else?" she asked, knowing her hus – ex-husband too well.

"I just – " he looked down and fiddled with his coffee cup.

"Come on, tell me what's wrong."

"I don't want to be a weekend father Sara", he finally admitted. She looked at him, confused.

"A weekend father? Why would you – oh." She began to bite her lip again, remembering the many times they'd talked about children with divorced parents.

"I hate the thought of only seeing our son or daughter every other weekend. Then there's the chance that you'll get married again and where will that leave me?" He knew he sounded pathetic but the thought horrified him.

"Jack, you'll always be this child's father – nothing will change that. And what if _you_ get married again?" she asked. "I'll be in the same boat."

"Ain't gonna happen."

"What?"

"I'm not going to get married again Sara. I had the best – there's no way I could ever find anyone to compete with what we had."

She looked at him stunned. "Jack?" She didn't know what to say. "I – well you don't have to worry either. There's no one who could ever compete with you. "

"Don't say that Sara. I was a lousy husband. Hell, I was gone half the time and even when I was home I had to keep everything secret from you. What kind of marriage is that?"

"Jack, yes you were gone and I missed you, but I knew you were doing something important. As for secrets – well, that didn't bother me nearly as much as the danger you were in. That time you were captured – I didn't know if I was going to survive - but I did. And when you were home things were wonderful. You said it before – we were great together."

"So why did we let it all go sour Sara? Why didn't we hang on to each other instead of turning away from one another?"

"I think we were both hurting so badly we didn't have anything to give. And I think – I think I was more at fault than you were Jack" she held up her hand when he went to interrupt. "Look, we both know you're not always the best at talking about things but I was resentful over the fact that you weren't there for me, which was totally unfair. How could you be when you were falling apart yourself? It was too much to ask of anyone. I sometimes think that if I'd given it enough time that maybe we would have gotten back on track."

He felt the tears as they fell; embarrassed but knowing there was nothing he could do to stop them. This time he reached out and took her hand. "Thank you", he said gratefully. "thank you for saying that. I guess we'll never know if it's true, but I always thought it was all my fault. I think maybe that it was just that we were too wounded, both of us, to deal with anything else and we ended up hurting each other."

"Jack?" she asked tentatively.

"What?"

"Do you think – _is_ it too late? Could we - ?" She didn't know how to continue until she saw the spark of something good in his eyes. At that point she took a deep breath and dove right in. "You said you don't want to be a weekend father so how about it? How about being a full –time father and - husband? Could we – try again?"

This time he really couldn't speak and he knew he was going to totally disgrace himself. Standing up quickly he went and found the waitress and paid the bill, leaving a huge tip. He walked back to the table and took Sara's hand.

"Come on, let's get out of here." He pulled her up and then practically dragged her to the car.

"Jack! Where are we going?" She wasn't quite sure what to make of this whole thing. He hadn't answered her question and she was scared, although looking at him he didn't seem angry or upset.

"We can't talk here. Let's go home."

"Home?" she asked. "Uh, whose home?"

"Ours", he answered with a small smile.

As they drove away she realized it didn't matter where, as long as they were together. For the first time since that shot had destroyed her life, she felt truly happy. She knew it wasn't going to be easy. There were some tough times ahead and many things to deal with, but she had hope. Her first and only love – her soul mate, and the father of her child – was back and she finally felt whole.

* * *

><p>Epilogue<p>

So, how are things going Jack?" Daniel asked his friend. Jack looked up from the piece of chocolate cake he was eating.

"Fine Daniel – great." He grinned and bent his head to resume the very important task at hand.

"How's Sara?" Daniel went on to ask as he sat down. Teal'c and Carter followed closely behind, and also sat at the same table.

"Yes Sir, how's Sara doing?" Carter asked.

Jack grinned. "She'd doing great. The morning sickness is _finally_ over" (he was _so_ not going into how they celebrated that fact) and the tests all came back negative."

"That is good news indeed O'Neill. So, your children are fine."

"Yup – great in fact." He and Sara had been shocked, terrified and overjoyed to find out they were expecting twins. It turned out that the older the mother the more likely she was to have twins. They were both nervous about the fact, but happy too. They knew this would be their last chance, with Sara's age, and this way they wouldn't have another only child.

"We're so happy for you Sir. We'll have to have a baby shower for you and Sara."

"That would be nice Carter. Uh, we're planning a little party ourselves in a couple of weeks and would like you all to come."

"What is the purpose of this party O'Neill?" Teal'c asked.

"Uh – we're getting married again."

It took a while for the congratulations and teasing to die down, but eventually, everyone had to get back to work. As Jack stood up and put his plate away, he thought about the last few months. He would never have thought that his life would have gone full circle like this. He was happier than he had been in a long, long time. There had been some rocky times, some readjustments, but they'd gotten through it – usually with laughter, sometimes with tears and occasionally with an all out fight! Still, it had all been worth it.

As good a marriage as he'd had before, this was even better. Their love had been tested and put through the fire. They knew now what they had to lose. They knew what waited for them if they didn't work at their marriage and neither was willing to go there again.

Jack walked down the halls deep in the earth, and knew he was the not only the luckiest man in the world - but in an entire galaxy. He stopped suddenly and smiled. "Thank you Sara – thank you for loving me."

The End

**_Okay - lest you think I'm doing my old cliche thing of having them have twins - the truth is there is a much greater chance for older mothers to have twins and I also wanted them to have more than one child considering how great a father Jack would be (and Sara a great mother). Her age would have made more children more difficult so - twins! Sorry if you hate me - I am a totally, unabashed romantic._**


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